tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7832594338870888537.post8327339127219004364..comments2023-06-03T03:51:09.316-07:00Comments on Facsimilogos: Self TalkFacsimilogoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15025274115373690229noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7832594338870888537.post-20262781071747635352011-03-09T06:36:10.461-08:002011-03-09T06:36:10.461-08:00Yes, well at least I read her that way. She asked ...Yes, well at least I read her that way. She asked me what I was going to do when her son returned to full activity... and she asked it in a very defiant/unkind way (difficult to convey in print). This was at the end of a conversation between just her and I in her kitchen after she had said how devastated she was by our departure and how depressed she was because of it. I was sympathetic and offered to talk w/her over coffee (eherm, I mean hot chocolate) sometime but she refused. She said she did NOT want to talk about it. Then she proceeded to ridicule/shame me for writing my blog and then capped it off with that line about her son. I certainly took it as a threat but maybe I was reading too much into it?<br /><br />There is a bunch of uncertainty w/both of us leaving. It is good and bad. We get to go on this new journey together but we are also both experiencing a pull to leave each other and forge separate lives. I don't know what will happen. It's both exhilarating and scary at the same time. I feel like we are both closer and further apart all at the same time! Weird huh!<br /><br />Walking through the fear eh. It sure is BIG. <br /><br />I agree, life seems so much more beautiful now and each day is so precious. :DMaureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978319002478511193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7832594338870888537.post-41040227820889555172011-03-07T09:14:46.720-08:002011-03-07T09:14:46.720-08:00@ Fanny: So True! It makes me wonder if people in ...@ Fanny: So True! It makes me wonder if people in previous generations may have had doubts about the church, but couldn't possibly leave because there was no way to feel validation or support in that decision. Discovering the exmo online community was definitely helpful in providing support and validation to me. That and the quality of information out there is waaaayyyy better than I think it used to be. I remember hearing about my parents discussing the godmakers movie at church when I was a teenager. They just laughed about the ridiculousness of it all...but they still didn't want my young ears to hear anything about it. I seriously doubt that movie "helped" many out of the church. <br /><br />It is also hard to try and balance the struggle of wanting to try and enhance the cognitive dissonance in those that believe versus just letting them have their happiness. It is just amazing to me that when I talk to those that believe about my issues, they just don't say, "Wow! You're right. How could I have been so foolish to not see that." I find that so hard to swallow sometimes ;-) It is fascinating yet hard to understand all at the same time.<br /><br />@ M: Sorry to hear about your MIL. Was she open about that? I'm sure there are those that feel that way about me, but they have never said anything that ever got back to me. It is so sad how family can be so hurtful and not even realize what they are doing to others. Sometimes I feel like devoting so much of my time to the church has been a waste on the one hand, but then, on the other, I am grateful for the experiences I had and that I avoided a lot of misery growing up too. I guess I am trying to look on the bright side. I guess I never thought about the difficulties that can come up when both spouses leave together. (It is a challenge I would love to have, btw) I think it might be even harder because we would both be starting over and there would be a lot more uncertainty about things going forward.(I am just trying to imagine if there were two of me going through what I am, I always thought that would be perfect, but what if it were just too hard for one of us to get through?) I guess that is part of facing the fear I was talking about. First there is the fear that maybe the church isn't true, then there is the fear that maybe God doesn't exist the way we want Him/Her/It to and then there is the fear of what if I am married to the wrong person? I have to remind myself that facing that fear will make me a better person for doing it.<br /><br />I think I have also been trying to live life more fully than I did before, too. I am much more physically active than I have ever been before. I also think I see things more clearly than before and am certainly less critical of others. I now see that since I want to enjoy my individuality, others should enjoy that privilege also. Thanks for sharing your comments, I appreciate it.Facsimilogoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15025274115373690229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7832594338870888537.post-60436413329846570842011-03-06T22:18:02.960-08:002011-03-06T22:18:02.960-08:00My husband and I left the church together. My kids...My husband and I left the church together. My kids are young so they are out too. My mum and all 5 of my siblings got out (at various times over the last 10 or so years). My FIL never joined. I have many non-member and a few ex-Mormon friends. I am so lucky to have all of this support AND YET I still get into the headspace that you describe in this post. Maybe I should have just quietly disagreed and continued to fake it on the outside. Maybe I would have kept more friends and my MIL wouldn't wish for my marriage to end. <br /><br />If this life is all we have then sometimes I feel that I should break away even further and go on some kind of individual quest. Shed my skins - mother/wife etc and just be me. But I don't want to leave my children. I could do with some time apart from my husband but I think we are already managing that. We have been pursuing our own interests with more fervor and not being as nosy about each others comings and goings. That feels quite liberating in itself. <br /><br />I think it is a rough deal to discover that you have given over your 20s (&30s &40s etc for some people) to a cult (my word for LDS church when I am feeling pissed off). How do you get that back? Maybe I'm better off (as my husband and I try to tell ourselves) having married young and already raised a couple of kids passed the difficult sleep deprivation stages so that now in our 30s we can have a bit of fun but with some maturity (ha!) under our belts. <br /><br />I dunno. I've digressed a lot. I just think that life really is an amazing thing and I have met some amazing people in the last year or so who really grab life by the balls and make a go of it. I really want to let go of the pain and live! I hope you will also find ways to express your individuality and your passion for life and your deepest inner desires for a fulfilling and joyous life. Wishing I could give you a big hug :)Maureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978319002478511193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7832594338870888537.post-38143333216962967642011-03-06T16:03:11.223-08:002011-03-06T16:03:11.223-08:00I understand where you're at. Being able to h...I understand where you're at. Being able to have the validation that you're right is important. Friends, online groups, blogs... that's all good for support, but actually having the ones closest to us, those that know and love us most, to have them be able to see it too is pure validation. <br /><br />I'd give anything to have a sibling or parent or child understand my views. It's lonely and frustrating, but I can't give up that some day down the road, something will trigger the questioning and they'll come to me for help. Just continue to love them, and like you said, show your true integrity. They'll see you're ok and it's not such a bad thing to disbelieve.Fannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02071404753064511649noreply@blogger.com